Yesterday was scary...

Yesterday was scary…

Some days are hard. Some days are scary.

Some days we have to ask for help.

It doesn’t mean it’s not working. It doesn’t mean we can’t do it.

It just means we are growing. We are expanding. We are ready for more.

It means being able to hold the good with the bad.

It means being able to show up through the tears.

It means being here for all of it.

The duality. The the fear. The joy.

All. Of. It.

Yesterday was scary.

On the back of a $9,500 week. Welcoming the most amazing women into my mastermind. Investing with a new mentor. Falling in love.

I ended up in the emergency room…

My heart was racing and we didn’t know why. I had cramping in my uterus and felt like something was off.

Hours of waiting. An EKG. A chest X-ray. An ultrasound.

Lots. Of. Breathing.

And then something happened I wasn’t ready for.

The nurse came out. Looked me in the eye and said come with me I’ll bring you right back.

What test are we doing now I asked.

She said we had to do an IV and bloodwork and that the doctor was coming to talk to me.

This is when I knew something was wrong.

Why are we starting an IV I asked.

She leaned down. Took a breath. Looked me in the eye…

…we found a mass in your ultrasound.

The. Breath. Left. My. Lungs.

More tests. More breathing. More tears.

Sitting with the uncertainty. The fear. The pain. The what if’s.

Allowing myself to be held. Hours of waiting.

And then they showed me.

The 13cm ball sitting inside my pelvis.

Suddenly so many things made sense. And then my head was racing.

It’s huge.

It’s probably benign.

It’s growing inside of me.

It’s probably ok.

It’s sitting next to my uterus.

It’s probably not attached.

And this is when I remember the results are none of my business.

That it’s my job to show up. To take the next step. The live the life I’m here for. To believe that everything is ALWAYS working out for me.

That I don’t have to do this alone.

Even when it’s scary. Even when it’s hard. Even when it feels like too much.

Because the truth is we get to hold it all. To walk through it all. To be in it all.

So in the uncertainty. In this week of celebration and joy. In these moments of fear and sadness.

I choose hope. I chose to believe. I choose to walk.

No matter what.

Because that’s what we’re here to do. Because having it all means holding it all.

Because I get to go first.

This is the work.

I love you all so much. I’m so grateful for this amazing life.

Thank you for all the love as I walk this part of the journey.